I just feel like writing about my husband today. I am so grateful to have him in my life and I know that is only by the grace of God. We have had a bumpy and maybe even volatile start. We have hurt each other deeper than probably anyone else in our lives. Both of us knew from the beginning we would never leave, but we have both lingered desperately over how am I going to do THIS, whatever this is, for the rest of my life, with this person I barely know who has already hurt me to my core. Our fights would last for days and who knew if anyone would ever apologize. We have hated each other. In our short two years we have already gone through a merciless rollercoaster of emotions that could have left both of us bitter, hateful, and not having any clue where to go from here.
We were there.
But I can truly say today that he is my best friend. I love him so much and I know he can say the same about me. And because of what I wrote about ^up there, I say that I know it is only by the grace of God. It is not because we got it figured out. It is not because someone changed to make the circumstances better. We have learned some things along the way and we have become moldable in the hands of God so there has been change. So I guess the one thing that is because of us is we made the leap to surrender our relationship to God.
But even with that, the only reason we could do that was because of God. It is because of how incredibly good God is that we knew we could trust Him to rebuild our mess. We are surrendering ourselves into capable hands. Capable doesn’t even begin to cover it. One of my favorite verses over the past year, a verse that I have clung to and I have put on the blog before, is Joel 2:25:
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten…”
Sometimes we put ourselves through hardships because of our own words or actions and we must reap what we sow. Other times God brings us through a refining process that is extremely painful but that has a guarantee on the other side, one that I am sure you know:
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
We have both slowly learned to just focus on falling more in love with God instead of focusing so much on either our own selfish desires or how the other person is measuring up. We have learned to fear God. We have learned we don’t have any clue what we’re doing outside of leaning on God and looking to His Word for guidance. We have learned there is nothing in this world that matters as a measuring stick of our relationship and that our success is only going to come from surrendering and being still and letting God do His work. Don’t get me wrong; surrendering is far from doing nothing. It is the most difficult and painful thing I have ever gone through and I am in the middle of it right now. But it is so freeing.
“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
another translation gives an even clearer instruction:
Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
God has knit our hearts together. He has restored our relationship. I have had the privilege to watch my husband change and grow and I pray he has seen changes in me too. He has become a man who really is leading our little family and is preparing us for our future. He is gentle with me. He consults me before making decisions. He is figuring out how to give every area of our life to God and as a wife, that is where the most security comes from. He does little things to help me and make my life easier.
The whole reason I started writing this post today is because of something that happened this morning that has happened many times before. Usually I get up, not as early as Aaron, but early enough to get his breakfast ready and help him get all his stuff together for work and get him out the door. (Pause to say I am NOT a morning person. I like getting up with him. I do not like mornings.) Every now and then, including this morning, Aaron will quietly reset my alarm for a little later so I can get some extra sleep, even if it means he will have to scurry around a little faster to get his breakfast and things ready without me. He also looked at my to-do list for today and found something he could do on his way home from work. He reminded me before he left to try not to get stressed out today and that even if it feels like I have a lot to do that he always feels better and more productive when he just stops his busy schedule to spend some time with God and then carry on after that. These may sound like little things to some people, I don’t know. But to me it means a lot.
And I named the post what I did because Aaron is the head of our home and he does lead me, but he does it with me by his side holding my hand. He demands nothing from me and he expects little. When we disagree these days, he is usually the one to turn it around or still do something loving toward me even when we are a little miffed at each other. His example makes me fall at the foot of the cross asking for forgiveness for my stubbornness and selfishness. He is not perfect. He is not my savior. He is not my world. He is not my king. He is the husband God has so graciously provided for me and a good one at that. He is my partner in making some feeble attempt to present the world with a picture of the gospel and how God loves His bride.
So even though I should say this everyday, today at least I am saying thank you God for my husband and for breaking and molding both of us and thank you Aaron for sticking with me and loving me when I am difficult to love. I am truly blessed and honored to be your wife. But I hope this thing keeps getting easier! haha